A Forbidden Love
by midnight's-fantasies
Summary: [Reedited]I was ordinary. He was special. He fell for her. I fell for him. From the beginning I knew it couldn’t last but I had hoped and cherished all those moments. Forbidden love. The deadliest love there is. please RR This is my first fic so no flames
1. chapter 1

**A Forbidden Love**

**Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters in the ccs though I wished I did.

Chapter 1: A Perfectly Shattered Heart 

Sakura p.o.v.

Forbidden love. A love that was meant to last through all difficult time and obstacles. A love filled with pain and deception. A love that scars you for life.

Looking back to those carefree days I was so naïve, so pure, so innocent. I was a soul that wasn't caught in the tangled we of love and fate. Perhaps it was destiny but it was never meant to be.

I was ordinary. He was special. He fell for her. I fell for him. From the beginning I knew it couldn't last but I had hoped and cherished all those moments. Forbidden love. The deadliest love there is. I was caught in a web of forbidden love.

Life was perfect for my friends and I. Everything was going well. Nothing could get between us. Nothing that's is until Tomoyo got herself a boyfriend. It went really well actually except then I had to go ahead and fall head over heels for this guy. I wasn't trying to backstab her or anything its just that I couldn't control my feelings. It wasn't my fault he was a gorgeous, hot playboy who just happens to make me his target, his victim. I never wanted to change but I did and for that I have to pay the price.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Oh my gosh! You'll never guess what happened today!" Tomoyo gushed on.

"Really now, how could I not know I do have my sources you know, but what is it anyway?"

"_HE _asked me out! You know the one in physics?" she wriggled her eyebrows suggestively, "you know THE one!" she insisted.

I thought for a while and…

"Oh my gosh! You don't mean Syoaran, the heartthrob of the school do you?"

Tomoyo nodded her head slowly, catching her breath at the same time.

"Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! That is soooooo sweet! Did you accept?" I rushed out at her and squealed like a little kid getting her first birthday present.

"Well of course! Who would turn down a hottie like him. He is such a hunk." She breathed out.

After a moment or two after the initial shock my brain started to work again. I began to worry for my friend.

"Err you know that he is the biggest playboy in the school right?" I went on," He has been dating girls on and off ever since he was able crawl. Are you sure that he's Mr. Right? I mean you should consider the possibilities that he might just like your body you know."

"Relax girl. I'm sure he's the one after all I'm not even considered to be pretty in this school. I don't know what he sees in me but I'll sure find out on the date." She replied lazily, stars shining in her eyes.

"Well if you say so then," I said after considering the possibility that he might like her and not her body. Still unbeknownst to Tomoyo she does have a pretty nice body with all her curves in the right place. Still I want about to burst her bubble.

_**END OF FLASHBACK**_

I was shocked, for days even. I couldn't believe the fact that Syaoran asked my best friend out. Never in a million years did I even think for a second that we'd grow up and start dating.

For weeks it was the hottest topic in our girl talk. We totally couldn't believe that our girl got a date with a hottie like Syaoran

As the big day arrived, each and every one of us got more excited with every passing second. We couldn't wait to squeeze the juicy details about her 'date'.

Finally the day came. We picked out the perfect dress for her, did her make up, got her a free ticket to the hair salon and gave her a free manicure and pedicure.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Today's the big day" Naoko announced.

"Everyone will be talking about it the next day. I'll make sure of that. Rika added.

"You are totally going to blow his mind out," I continued.

'**_Diiinnngggggggggg dooonnngggggggggg'_**

"Well there he is. You go and make him yours and don't make me face a teary-eyed girl when you come back. You know I'm not good with breakups," I warned her before she left.

"Chill girlfriend. You sound like he's going to dump me. I seriously doubt that he's going to end our relationship before it even starts. He's sweet and caring I think and I'm pretty sure of it too"

I was reluctant to let her go at first. I didn't want her to go through the depressing state that people go through when breakups do happen. There were so many true stories where people commit suicide and depression and eating disorder and all that but I guess I was just being ridiculous. They were a perfect couple at least that was what I hoped they were.

We all bid her good-bye and she left.

**_END OF FLASHBACK_**

We were all so innocent then it never even occurred to me that there might be other problems besides breakups. As the rocky road of true love continued I discovered the unnerving obstacles that littered along this path. It was an experience, one I would never forget for as long as I live which isn't long now…

_**FLASHBACK**_

Tomoyo's p.o.v.

I giggled girlishly as he offered me he arm. GOSH he's hot especially with that white tux. It complimented his eyes beautifully. I am so totally and utterly, head over heels in love with him but that's not all he LOVES me back! The man of my dreams LOVES me BACK! My knight in shining armor!

"So…where are we going tonight?" I asked him.

"To 'Blue Moon' of course," he replied casually.

I gasped.

"Blue Moon? You're taking me to 'Blue Moon'"

"Yep but if you don't want to go we could go somewhere else," he said as a frown appeared on his face.

"No! No! It's fine! Really!" I rushed out.

He is so CUTE when he's like that! GOSH I could just faint right now. Yep. Right now.

I cuddled up to him as we walk through the revolving doors. This is so romantic. It's everything a girl could ever ask for.

The waiter led us to a table overlooking the entire view of Tokyo city. It was just perfect. No, the word perfect doesn't even begin to tell how wonderful it was but it stopped right there. So we ordered our dinner, talked about a few things, ate but that was about it. I was beginning to lose hope. I thought he would've at least flatter me or kiss me or something but we just talked about me and my friends I didn't even find out anything about his past or what he likes or…anything for that matter. The dinner was delicious no doubt it was just so… unromantic after that if there's such a word. As the dinner ended and it was time to leave I felt a bit crestfallen but it all changed when he drove me back to my apartment.

"Well thanks for the dinner." I told him.

"No problem."

There was an awkward silence before he started again.

"Hey are you free next Saturday?" he asked.

My heart rose again. There's another date!

"Um…sure."

"Like to hang out again?" he asked casually.

"You mean like a date?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. A horrified expression

swept across my face.

He chuckled.

"Of course, silly"

"O" I replied stupidly. I was stunned. Really stunned.

My breath was caught in my throat as his hand tenderly reached up to my face and stroked my hair back. His eyes were soft and golden. I never really noticed until now. They held so much seriousness in them. His touch sent electric tingles down my spine.

"You know I have never met anyone like you before." He murmured.

His eyes were almost closed. It was so peaceful yet so…tense.

My eyes fluttered close as his lips descended on my own.

Time seemed to have stopped for us. Fireworks exploded in the background.

It was my first kiss. Everything was so right.

The kiss was gentle yet inviting. I was left breathless.

We broke apart panting slightly. I could feel the blush rising onto my face.

It was so…unexpected. I looked at him. He didn't look dazed at all but then again he must've had heaps of experience with his reputation and all.

He jogged down the stairs and waved at me.

"Well see you on Saturday. Ja ne!"

I was still dazed and subconsciously whispered out a "bye."

He gave me a heartwarming smile which melted me from inside out and left.

**_END OF FLASHBACK_**

Sakura's p.o.v.

I was so happy and excited. It was her first boyfriend. I wasn't jealous or anything then. That didn't start until months later. It was really different then. Tomoyo was still my friend. I was still popular along side her. We were like the queen bees of our school. Everyone wanted to be our friends. But all of that changed as soon as He started to take a

liking to me.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"So what happened on the date?" I asked eagerly. She came back yesterday quite breathlessly and I'm desperate to find out why. I couldn't get it out of her but I'll corner her today.

A blush appeared on her face.

"Um…well…_nothing much _happened…" she started out slowly.

"Well. _Something _must've happened. You were quite breathless when you came in." I drawled out.

"Well…well…we had dinner at 'Blue Moon' and…"

She was silenced.

"_and…_?"

"_and…_w-we-well…" she stuttered, " …he drove me home."

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. She said that all too quickly.

"You're hiding something from me. A dinner date doesn't leave you breathless when you come back."

My eyes flashed evilly as she blush a deep hue of red.

"I-I-I'm not hi-hid-hiding anything fr-fro-from you."

"Sure you're not…"I said slowly.

Her shoulders relaxed almost immediately but they stiffened up again as soon as I said, "Now spill!"

"Kura-chan."

She begged out with those irresistible puppy dog eyes of her.

I looked away. Those eyes are just so…well…irresistible.

"No Tomo-chan. Spill."

"but-"

"No buts."

"Fine" she huffed out.

"After he drove me back … he… he…"

"Oh! Out with it already I'm dying with suspense here!"

"he…hekissedme!"

"Sorry? Didn't catch you there."

I blinked in confusion.

"He….kissed me."

I stared at her until realization sunk in and I digested the piece of information.

"He kissed you?" I repeated.

I squealed.

"I knew it. I knew he kissed you. OMG! That was your first kiss!"

She nodded shyly.

**_END OF FLASHBACK_**

Sakura's p.o.v

She didn't tell us what it was like to be kissed by the hottest guy but I knew. The sensation was indescribable. It was just so…amazing. But who am I to know these things. I wasn't meant to be. She was. Nothing would ever changed that. Why? Why can't I be happy? Why was I there? Why?

The tears were gently falling down my face. Images flashed through my mind.

"I'm sorry."

The wind carried my voice away.

"I'm so sorry"

It was something that was never meant to happen. It was like a spark. It wasn't meant to spread a fire but it did.

A humorless laugh escaped her lips.

Passions spreads like wildfire and when trapped in the heat of passion, none can escape its deadly grip.

Funny how things you least expect can happen. Things you've sworn you wouldn't do. The saying was right. Promises are made to be broken. Trusts are built only so you can strengthen yourself. Tears. Useless waste.

Her soul that was so pure before was now stained with hatred and grief.

"How could I have done such I thing?"

Her bangs covered her eyes.

"I'm so so sorry."

Her voice faded into nothingness.


	2. chapter 2

**A Forbidden Love**

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters in CCS though I wish I did.

AN: um… I think most of this chapter is flashbacks and it begins in the flashback so don't get confused. Oh and this is like two months after their first date in the first chapter. Anyways here's the second chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

**

* * *

Chapter 2: Confusion Of One's Heart **

Sakura's p.o.v

Tomoyo and Syaoran's relationship has been steadily improving. They have been going out for two months now. They seemed so happy together. It all just fitted into the right place. It would be so nice to have someone to care for me.

I sighed. Ever since Tomoyo started going out with Syaoran she's been spending less and less time with us and more and more time with Syaoran. I miss her presence but I know that she's always happier whenever she's with Syaoran. Her eyes practically glowed at the sight of him. Still I wished she would sit with us sometimes instead of always sitting with Syaoran and his friends and all. It would be just like the old times or even better she could introduce us to his friends.

"Hey Tomoyo!" I waved frantically at her to catch her attention. She finally saw me and jogged over.

"Kura-chan! Where were you?" she panted out, " I have so much to tell you!"

She finally stopped to catch her breath.

"Syaoran and I was planning on having a to have a 'Second Month Anniversary' at the night club downtown. I would really appreciate it if you could come. It's on the second of June. Are you free or not?"

My heart skipped a beat as I heard her speak of her two-month anniversary. It made their relationship seem like they were married. For some reason it didn't surprise me to hear her speaking about her relationship with the hottest guy in the school, Syaoran.

"Er. I'm not really sure I can come, Tomo-chan. I have other appointments…" I blabbered on telling her all the meetings I have to attend since I was chosen as class prefect. I should have made every effort to attend but I can't disappoint the student body.

"But Kura-chan," Tomoyo whined, "you have to come. You'll be missing out on heaps. Naoko and Rika are coming, um, all of Syaoran's friends and heaps of other people. It'll be a bash! So you gotta come, Kura-chan." She pleaded, looking at me from those puppy eyes of hers.

I sighed. Those irresistible, innocent puppy dog eyes of hers always made me do everything she says.

"I'll try to come but I'm not promising anything," I told her.

She suddenly brightened up.

"Ok!" she chirped and did a little victory dance while I sweat dropped at her

childishness.

_**

* * *

IN THE PRESENT **_

She was always so happy like that. That peaceful smile never failed to light up my day.

It pains me to see her crying. Occasions like that were so rare. It almost never happened but now…

_**

* * *

FLASHBACK **_

"Naoko, what time was the environmental meeting this Thursday?" I asked Naoko.

Naoko turned and turned to face me.

"You mean the meeting on the 2nd of June?"

"Yeah," I replied absentmindedly while looking at my schedule for the week.

She cocked her head at me and let out a small giggle.

"Sakura, didn't you know that the meeting was cancelled because Tomoyo's having her 'Second Month Anniversary' on the same day and we all know how you would want to go so we changed it to next Thursday"

I looked at her wide-eyed.

"The meeting was cancelled?" I mumbled.

"Yep! You are going to her anniversary right?" she asked me uncertainly.

"Um… sure…of course."

Personally I really wasn't sure. I mean, I just told my best friend that I can't go to her anniversary party and now I can. I'll have to tell her somehow _and_ get her a gift.

"Bye Naoko! I have to get Tomoyo a present for her party, so I guess I'll see you there!"

Of course, being me, I don't really need to get her a present. I could just let her dress me up for a whole day. She would be totally blown over the top by that but…I'll have to suffer so…no.

I drove to the nearest gift shop and browsed around a bit until I saw the perfect gift. It was a chain with a silver locket carved into the form of a plum blossom. It really caught my eye. From the moment I set eyes on it I knew she would love it.

**_

* * *

IN THE PRESENT _**

She did love it. Did. It was so perfect when she wore it. It was a perfect match around her dainty neck. I didn't mean it but…she threw it back at me after that day. That faithful day when everything changed.

_**FLASHBACK**(AN: just thought you should know the following flashback is going to be when the party starts and this flashback is NOT the 'faithful day'.)_

I flashed my id at the security guard at the entrance of the nightclub and passed him.

The lights were dark inside the ideal lighting for parties. People oozed onto the dance floor.

My eyes scanned the room for the presence of Tomoyo and other people I know. Finally I caught a glimpse of violet hair and pushed my way through. As I made my way through the dance floor a few wolf whistles were heard.

I knew I shouldn't have worn this outfit. It draws too much unwanted attention to my figure but Tomoyo made it for me especially for this occasion so I have to wear it.

**_

* * *

IN THE PRESENT _**

I remember it so well. The first time I saw the outfit. My jaws dropped to the ground when she announced that I have to wear it to the party.

It was a black mini skirt with chains dangling on the side of it. The top was like a silver corset except the back was just strings criss-crossing it holding it together. She gave it to me just before her anniversary. She had said it was because I had helped her throughout their relationship. I had helped?

I laughed bitterly. Yes, I had helped but perhaps not to help them get along properly.

_**

* * *

FLASHBACK **_

"Hey Tomoyo," I yelled out to her from across the crowd.

She turned her head wondering who yelled out her name and saw me. An expression of delight crossed her face.

"Sakura you came!"

She pushed her way around the crowd to reach me.

"Yeah."

She squealed," And you wore the dress I gave you!"

I nodded shyly.

"Well enjoy the party!" she told me and waltzed away.

I sighed. There were no one here that I know of except for Syaoran and Tomoyo, and I can't just stick with them for the whole night.

I was broken out of my chain of thoughts when a guy that I did not whispered, _"let's have some **fun**_," huskily in my ear.

I felt sick. These guys were Syaoran's friends? Tomoyo was hanging around with these types of people?

Disgusted, I pushed him away and went over to the bar.

"Would you like anything miss?" the bartender asked me.

"No thanks" I told him.

I was hoping to get some peace and quite when one of the other guys approached me again.

"Can I get you a drink?" he asked me smoothly. A little too smoothly. Almost as if he had said to all the other girls he met.

I stared at him. My eyes were narrowing.

"I don't drink," I shot at him coldly.

"Oh? Well then would you like to play?" he asked me slyly," after all it won't be a party if you can't have some _fun_.

I felt disgusted. These people were getting on my nerves. I needed some fresh air.

**_

* * *

MEANWHILE Sakura's p.o.v _**

Hours had past since the party had started and by now Tomoyo was a **_little_** drunk.

I felt disgusted. These people were getting on my nerves. I needed some fresh air.

_**

* * *

MEANWHILE**(__AN:I don't fink this is from anyone's p.o.v but if it is and I realise it then I'll it in._) 

Hours had past since the party had started and by mow Tomoyo was a **_little_** drunk.

"Hey…" Takashi Yamazaki, a friend of Syaoran's from his days as a player, said as he approached Tomoyo.

Tomoyo feeling rather giggly replied," Hey!"

Syaoran's p.o.v.

I was just chatting to one of my old buddies when I caught sight of Tomoyo. She is so beautiful. I don't even know what I did to deserve an angel such as her. I was about to leave my friend and go to her but then I saw Yamazaki talking to her so I just kept talking to my old buddies. There was nothing wrong with the picture. It was just my girlfriend chatting with one of my mates. Nothing wrong at all, nothing that is until I saw Yamazaki take a step closer to her.

The mere sight of them together so close made my blood boil.

Who does Yamazaki think he is? Trying to steal my chic. And why the hell isn't Tomoyo pushing him away!

Confusion swirled in my eyes as I saw his lips descend on hers. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back.

I tried to dash towards her but to crowd kept pushing me back. The next thing I knew I had lost sight of them.

I felt my heart break. How could she do this to me? To us? I thought we were the best couple. She was my only one. My soul mate. Why? WHY?

I felt lost. I needed a drink.

I forcefully pushed my way through the crowd. Some of them sent me dirty glances while others glared at me though I payed them no attention. I reached the bar and signalled for the bartender.

"Anything with a high amount of alcohol in it," I ordered.

The bartender raised an eyebrow at me but I let it slip. I was too depressed to actually do anything about it.

The bartender handed me a drink and I drank it all in a gulp. I signalled for another one.

I wasn't a particular fan of alcoholic drinks but I was willing to do whatever it takes to make me feel better.

After another three of those drinks I felt sick. My body wouldn't take in anymore of that disgusting stuff. I went outside immediately.

_

* * *

(AN: Sakura also left the bar so she's outside as well.) _

Sakura's p.o.v

"Syaoran! What are you doing out here?"

I rushed forward quickly to steady him as he began to fall.

He clutched onto me as he vomited out some unknown substance.

My eyes grew wide. I have never seen him in this state before. What happened to him? And on top of that HE, the HOTTEST guy in school, is CLUTCHING onto MY arm!

I helped him over to a bench nearby and began to wipe the muck of his face.

He looks so defenceless when he's like this.

"Why…?" he kept muttering, "why? Why? Why…?"

My eyes softened as I looked at him and the pathetic state he's in. I couldn't help but pity him. Questions of what happened raced through my mind. He was undeniably the toughest guy I know and yet what could've happened to put him in the state he's in now?

I got up and went to the nearest vending machine and brought him a bottle of water. Everything was so right in the beginning so why was he like this now?

I handed the bottle of water to him subconsciously and he faintly muttered out a 'thanks'.

He took a gulp, rinsed his mouth and spitted it out.

Personally I think it is very unreasonable to spit on the ground when there is a bin right next to him but considering the fact that he's drunk I let it pass.

Some time later when he regained some of his consciousness his stomach rumbled.

I giggled. He looks so adorable.

I helped up and took him to the nearest noodle bar.

We ordered and I asked him about what happened in the nightclub.

"So what happened in the nightclub?"

"What happened in the night club?" his voice was faint and emotionless.

"Tomoyo…she…"

"Yes what about Tomoyo?" I asked eagerly. This has something to do with Tomoyo? But…how?

"She…she…"

I leaned forward eagerly.

"She…cheated on me…she…kissed…another guy…she kissed Yamazaki…" his voice faded.

The news hit me like a rock.

I fell back into my chair.

Tomoyo cheated on Syaoran? Why?

No wonder Syaoran was in such a state.

"Are you sure it was Tomoyo? I mean you might have mistaken another girl for her…" I asked him uncertainly.

The chance of him mistaking her for another girl was highly unlikely because the only girl in our school with violet hair is Tomoyo. Still it was worth a try.

"No," he replied bitterly," I saw it with my own two eyes. It was Her alright. I just can't believe she cheated on me."

Our noodles came and he dug in savagely.

I smiled at him, despite all his understanding of relationships; he was still like a little child inside.

The topic was put aside as we ate our noodles. I didn't give it much thought after that. I know he wants to forget the fact that Tomoyo cheated on him and start a new beginning but I doubt he'll confront her and break up with her. Tomoyo was after all one of the most wanted girls in our school and to throw away a piece of treasure like her just means signing your death warrant. The minute you break up with her is the minute your life turns into hell.


	3. Chapter 3

**A Forbidden Love**

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters in CCS though I wish I did.

AN: Thanks for all your reviews and I would just like to know whether anyone wants

more fluff in my fic if so please tell me in your reviews and I am REALLY sorry that I haven't been updating but I swear I had like LOADS of hw.

* * *

Sakura's p.o.v

Trust, such a fragile thing. So easily broken. So easily corrupted. It's a corrupted world

out there where you can't trust anything. You can only ever lie in the world you're in.

There's no truth. The only ever most perfect truth is the darkest and most corrupted lie.

So beautiful. The darkness which consume everything. Hatred had consumed me since

the day of Tomoyo's second months anniversary.

* * *

**_FLASHBACK_**

I couldn't stop thinking about Tomoyo and Syaoran and their relationship after their

Second anniversary but I didn't say anything. I could tell that Syaoran have been

avoiding Tomoyo ever since their anniversary. I couldn't blame him I mean after all the

poor guy just had his heart shattered brutally by his girlfriend but he was strong. No one

caught on anything. His act was perfect. Although he avoided Tomoyo like a plague nobody could see it because it was so natural. Their relationship slowly drifted apart…

…and it was all because of me…

* * *

**_FLASHBACK_**

Tomoyo's p.o.v.

No one might have noticed, in fact even I didn't notice it in the beginning but after a certain couple of weeks I realized that he avoided me. He avoided me like a plague.

It was strange. Just weeks ago he would be seen around me all the time. Giving me flowers, chocolates…all the attention I want.

I didn't realise we could drift apart so easily. I didn't realise it would turn out like this. I didn't realise I had to bind him to me. I didn't realise that true love blinds all.

I walked over to my normal table where Syaoran's friends were. I was always with them ever since Syaoran and I started going out.

I went to Syaoran to give him a kiss but he turned away.

My lips were met with his cheek. I flushed bright red. I wasn't used to such a thing. Being ignored by my own boyfriend and hell he was my first boyfriend even.

I took a seat next to him but he stood up and waved to some unknown to me but I had a hunch. It was surprising to say in the least all the guys who normally sit with us were here and it was rare that Syaoran himself waved to someone other than that of our group.

A glimpse of auburn hair and the scent of cherry blossom confirmed my assumption. It was Sakura.

The name now sounded so foreign to me now. How long haven't we seen each other? Sometimes I wondered if Syaoran and I were really meant for each other. If I knew that getting into a relationship would ruin our friendship would I really sacrifice my love life for her? Them? Naoko, Rita, Sakura?

No.

Love was everything to me and yet I longed for friendship, support. Friendship, it could offer me as much as love has to offer and more but why is it so hard to find friends, true friends.

I'll win him back from whoever stole him away from me. I'll never forgive whoever she is for taking away my first love. If I suffer then they suffer with me.

Sakura. You'll always be at my side right? You'll always be there for me. That's what friends do. That's what you're created to do.

A sudden lack of warmth implied that Syaoran had moved aside from me again. He's been doing that for so many times now and it really pains me to see that we aren't as close as we were meant to be.

Sakura slid into the seat beside me shyly and all my worries dissimilated. She always gave off an aura of serenity that calms me down.

I never wondered why Syaoran called Sakura over. All I knew was that Sakura my all time best friend was here with me. Here was a friend I could share secrets with. A friend I could trust.

"Saku-chan!"

I gave her a hug.

She was still the same as before. Nothing really changed. I was still her friend and we're still as close as ever can be.

Sakura's p.o.v

I really didn't know the reason why Syaoran called me over. I was surprise to say in the least. I was just about to walk to my normal table with Naoko and Rika and all when **He** called my name.

My heartbeat quickened as I walked over to **their **table. I could feel all eyes on me. It was nerve-racking but then Tomoyo came to rescue. It was like she was the my guardian angel, my saviour. She was a familiar face in the crowd of strangers.

Syaoran offered his seat, which was next to Tomoyo for me and I slid in.

Tears seemed to have welled up in Tomoyo's eyes as she hugged me. I never thought she was so emotional. I had missed her, true, but it wasn't a yearning. During the time she was away I learned a way to survive. A way to live without her, without the friendship and acceptance she offered.

It felt so different now. The feeling was so unfamiliar. I don't recognise it anymore.

"Hey Tomo-chan," I whispered to her.

* * *

Everything was going to turn out all right. The feeling would return eventually…eventually.

Feelings and emotions. The beginning of weakness. Nothing could prevent it. Nothing could predict it.

**_

* * *

LATER THAT DAY_**

"Oh My Gosh! Saku! We have got SO much to catch up on. I'll see you on Monday then! Call me!" and with that she left. So cheerful. I waved back at her, a bright smile lighting up across my face.

I turned and was about to go when…

"Sakura...?"

"Huh?" I turned and met familiar amber eyes staring at me, "oh! Syaoran!"

"um…" he tugged at his collar.

I cocked my head at him.

"yea…" I ventured out.

"well I was just wondering whether you want to go to the ski trip this weekend with me. You see my mum wanted me to go with a girl and I didn't want to ask Tomoyo because well…you know how things are with me and her…"

**HE** wanted **_me_** to go with **him** to the snow! OH MY GOSH! What should I say! Oh but his…his…his Tomoyo's boyfriend. Would I be betraying her? But he asked me…not her…

"um…" I mumbled smartly.

"Please?" he added with a little pout.

He is so CUTE like that.

"Well…ok…"

The tension in the atmosphere suddenly lightened.

"Great! You're the best! I'll pick you up at 5:00am sharp Saturday morning. See you then"

He waved.

I groaned. So early!

_**

* * *

SATURDAY**_

"AHHHHHHH! What to wear?"

I flung open the wardrobe door and looked inside searching frantically for something to wear.

Clothes were sprawled across the floor. Skirts, dresses, tops and pants were littered everywhere. I buried my head deeper into that ridiculous wardrobe of mine in search for something that is remotely suitable for me to wear for the date.

I know I shouldn't go on a date with Syaoran. He was after Tomoyo's boyfriend but…he did ask me and…it'd be…impolite to refuse…wouldn't it?

"Arge!"

I frowned. Everything in this wardrobe either makes me look so sluttish. I needed some professional help. Tomoyo she'll help but…this is her boyfriend I'm going out with…I'll just not tell her whom I'm going out with…

I picked up the phone dialled her number. I waited for five rings before she picked up.

"_Moshi moshi? This is Tomoyo speaking."_

"Hi Tomoyo! I need some serious help for fashion."

"_Really…this isn't something I hear everyday. Come on spill! What are you up to?"_

I could almost see that mischievous grin on her face and that unnatural glint in her eyes.

"ehehehe well you see this boy asked me out and I can't find anything to wear! So I'm kind of freaking out over hear…"

"_Well why can't you just wear the silver tank top with the black mini?"_

"Tomoyo! That's way to sluttish and besides, its not really me"

"Hm…well where are you guys going?" 

"The snow. I already packed."

"The snow eh? Interesting choice…well go with the pink mini, you know the one with fluffy edges, and the baby pink long sleeves with fluffy buttons…and …how about white stockings?"

"That outfit…?" Now that made me lift my eyebrows. "I suppose… so that's really **the** perfect outfit…"

"Yes of course Sakura! It's perfect. You'll look so CUTE in it!" 

"Ok ok I trust your judgement. Thanks for the tip. Ja ne!"

I hung up. Thank goodness she didn't ask me who I was going out with.

I search once again in the pile of clothes scattered on the ground but this time my search was not in vain. I held up the outfit triumphantly and glanced at the clock hastily.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. 4:45pm! Since when did time past so fast?

I rushed to the bathroom and flung off my clothes. The outfit was a bit small but I don't mind at least I fit into it and Tomoyo had said that it was the PERFECT outfit and it kept me warm. I was practically sweating through it by the time I finished putting on my makeup.

_**Ding dong**_ (AN: lame bell I know but hey at least it got the message through ;)

I practically rip the door off its hinges. I was SO excited.

Syaoran stood there like a winter snowball. I couldn't help but giggle. He was most certainly dressed enough for the snows. He was almost as round as a snowball only bigger.

I glanced at him and giggled again. I could not hold it any longer. I burst out laughing.

He looked at me incredulously and blurted out, "you're warm enough in that?"

I frowned and glanced down at what I'm wearing.

"What's wrong with it?" I asked him.

He stared.

I frowned.

"That skimpy thing is going to keep you warm _throughout_ the _trip_?" he demanded.

I sighed and then said mischievously, "things are not always what they seem like."

He sighed and picked up my luggage.

"Always the gentleman aren't you." I said to him cheekily.

He puffed out his chest and replied," Well…to be a successful playboy, such as _I_, one must learn these skills to impress parents."

I giggled again at his playful imitation of a playboy at his very best.

We hopped in the car and drove off. For all I know we sat in the car for AGES. I was totally bored out of my mind and his choice of music was OUTRAGEOUS. I think it might be music from the sixties and anyway I did NOT understand ANY of the word they were saying. It was probably in foreign languages.

I nagged at him for breaks nearly every fifteen minutes.

"Syaoran," I begged him," can we please stop?"

"Sakura," he cried out exasperatedly," we just stop fifteen minutes ago!"

"But Syaoran," I argued," I need the bathroom. It's urgent"

I pouted. It always worked.

He sighed and pulled over at the café over near the corner.

"Hurry up then. At this rate we'll never get there."

"Ok ok chill I'll be quick I promise."

"Oh and Sakura this is the last stop we'll be making for the entire trip."

He smirked, looking victorious.

"NANI?"I cried out," _this _is the _last _break for the _entire journey!" _

"Yep. I want to get there before sunrise."

I ran to the bathroom and fixed up my make up. I noticed, in the cars rear mirror, that my mascara was a little bit smudged therefore I felt the need for this toilet break. It really wasn't going 2 be long but now since he announced that this was the _last_ trip it was going to take…I little longer…

He waited for me near the car while I dashed from the toilet and into the café. He had called after me but I ignored him.

"Sakura! What are you doing this is _toilets_ break?"

If this is the last break we need supplies. I got myself a packet of donuts and a large espresso coffee. I paid at the counter and dashed back to the car.

"Syaoran if this is the _last_ break we are going to need a serious supply of food and seeing as you didn't bring any I had to buy this packet of donuts. Frankly I believe that my stomach is more important than making it to the snows before sunrise."

He glared at me for a while but then he sighed, got in the car and drove off without another word.

After a few minutes of silence in the car I opened my packet of donuts and began munching on it.

A grunt. He grunted at me.

"hmm…?"

he sighed.

"Well give me some." He said quite annoyed.

"but Syaoran," I whined," I'm hungry!"

The car slowed and he looked at me accusingly

"Sakura I'm hungry too, so pass it."

He made a grab for it but I dodged it quickly and smirked at him.

But then the inevitable thing happened. He pouted at me. POUTED at me. I couldn't resist it. I just…couldn't. He was so CUTE when he's like that.

"Ok ok I'll give you some. Just…don't give me that look." I shivered involuntarily.

He smirked at me triumphantly and pluck the packet out of my grasp.

"Hey! Give that back!"

I snatched it back and ate as fast as I could.

"Sakura!"

Syaoran sounded alarmed, "save some for me!"

"No." I told him stubbornly.

He looked at me pleadingly and once again I gave in. It was too irresistible.

I threw him a chocolate iced donut and he caught in midair while the car jerked to a stop.

"SYAORAN!" I screamed.

"What?" he said casually.

I glared at him," You would've killed us were the road not clear and all that for just one _measly _donut?"

"Well we are all safe and sound now anyway, so just chill out," he told me.

I stared at him and suddenly shivered. I had just noticed the change in temperature. We must be getting close.

"Well. We're here." Syaoran announced.

"Really!"

"Yep and just in time to see the sunrise."

My breath was caught in my throat as I watched the sun rise above the white snow.

Beautiful. The only word that could describe the scene. The sky was golden and streaked with orange, pinks and purples while the flaming red sun melted into the whiteness of the snow. It was truly beautiful, so breathtakingly beautiful.

* * *

hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review. Once again i'm reallly sorry that i havent been updating soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Forbidden Love**

**Chapter 4**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters in CCS though I wish I did.

AN: THANK YOU for all your reviews and keep on reviewing.- Um…ok I got a bit bored of my beginnings so um… I decided to change it a bit…oh yea…the…bits in this chapter…are not very good due to the fact that I have absolutely NO experience in that area. ;; Enjoy.

* * *

_**THE PRESENT**(um…and by that I mean it does NOT continue from the flashback from the last chapter)_

_**SAKURA P.O.V**(AN: um just thought you should know Sakura is looking out of this window)_

Sakura looked with distant eyes at the scene unfolding before her eyes. The snow had brought back so much unwanted memories. Vivid memories of hatred, betrayal and overwhelming grief.

It's snowing you know? So white. So beautiful. Gentle and soft like a feather. The white blanket covering everything. Everything is so pure, so untainted it's almost sinful to look upon with such corrupted eyes.

I remembered that scene ever so clearly. It was unlike everything I have ever seen. So different from the magazines on hot, exotic beaches with girls sashaying around. It was the complete opposite of it all. Everything was different. Peaceful and serene.

The events all happened too fast. Everything was wrong. Nothing was meant to happen. Tomoyo was meant to have the love of her life. it was her one and only not mine. The trip to the snows destroyed everything we ever had.

* * *

**_FLASHBACK_**

We flung our bodies back onto the snow and looked up at the starry sky. We were exhausted. My cheeks were flushed pink. I never had so much fun before. I did things I didn't even know I could do.

"Arigato gozaimasu Syaoran. Really thank you so much."

He looked at me curiously "for what?"

"For everything" I breathed out

He looked at me closely. Studying me for a moment.

Then without another word he pressed his lips against mine.

My eyes opened in shock before closing and relaxing.

His tongue ran across my lips as if asking for permission and I gave it to him. His tongue coxed My tongue in an everlasting dance.

The sensation was completely different from what I always imagined it.

Everything seems to click in that moment. Everything was right. This was my destiny. My soul mate. My one and only. Not just anyone's but mine.

We broke apart.

I felt a rising blush creep onto my face as a cute adorable smile adorned my face. My eyes wide with innocence.

One moment passed. Two moments passed. Then the guilt came crashing down. What am I doing? He is Tomoyo's boyfriend. How could I do this to her?

A look of fear flashed through my eyes.

"W-wh-why," I stuttered out," why did you do that?"

He leaned back. His eyes closed. Savouring the moment.

"I guess I couldn't resist," he replied after a while.

My face immediately turned several shades of red.

**_END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

_**

Those times were so innocent. I would give anything to turn back the sands of time and change the events. That kiss was so uncalled for. One thing always leads to another and soon we were caught in the unforgivable web of love. Nothing could bail you out once you are caught. Even at the price of blood it could only take away so much pain for a temporary time. I thought I could last. I thought our love would surpass everything. One could say I was anything but right.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

We lay back down onto the snow once again and my curiosity kicked in.

"Ne Syaoran?" I asked," what's your dream?"

He stared at me. It was unnerving. I fiddled around a bit.

"My dream?" he asked and rose one eyebrow at me.

I sighed out of frustration and nervousness.

"Yes your dream," I said hastily.

"Hmmm my dream would be the next successful leader of the Li clan," he told me casually.

"Sugoi! Syaoran-kun," I breathed out," all I ever dreamed about was-"

I stopped short and blushed. What am I doing? He would so laugh at me if he ever found out.

Syaoran glanced at her from below lowered eyelashes. He had been curious of what her dream was since she stopped short just as she was going to tell him.

"Go on," he urged.

I blushed harder. I couldn't tell him but…

"You only ever dreamed about…?" he probed further.

"About…about…" my voice was softer with every passing second and the blush on my face grew incredibly red.

His eyes gleam with wickedness. A smirk adorning he features.

"…about…flying." My voice was barely above a whisper.

His eyes widened before squeezing them shut tightly. His shoulders shook uncontrollably until he finally couldn't hold it in anymore. He laughed. Hysterically.

I glared at him.

"It's not that funny!" I told him, a vein popping onto my forehead. _(AN: um…incase u don't know what I mean it's that little plus or cross on their heads ;;;)_

He glanced at me and burst out laughing once again.

I pouted.

"Mou don't be so mean!" I scolded at him.

He chuckle and said to me," you know Sakura you'll never be able to do that."

A smile crossed my face as I relaxed back.

"You never know Syaoran. You never know."

He studied me closely before turning away and getting up.

"Come on we better get back inside before we catch a cold or something," he advised.

He held out his hand and I took it.

A familiar blush adorned my features at the contact.

**_END OF FLASHBACK_**

* * *

A dream that I never knew could be fulfilled is going to happen. Something I always wanted was it not? Why? Why don't I get the satisfaction I want?

The tears were falling. I could feel them against my cold pale skin. How long was it since I was like this. This helpless, hopeful mode. We were over. We never had a beginning. There was no end…or so I hoped. She found out…the worst way possible.

Things got out of hand. From casual kisses to a full out relation. It wasn't hard. You just followed your heart's desire, not stopping it, not hesitating. It'll be like a drug. You take one dose of it, liked it and you take another not realizing what it's doing. Eventually you become addicted. You can't stop. You won't stop. But then after a while you feel that death grip holding you, eating you away from the inside, that gruesome feeling, that guilt.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

We ditched class. _Again. _

He was nuzzling his head into my shoulder placing feather-light kisses on my neck.

"Syaoran…we really shouldn't…"I began but I never finished. His lips captured mine in a fiery kiss.

He released me at last and I pouted.

"Mou Syaoran! That wasn't fair."

He shrugged and grinned at me," but you enjoyed it right?"

I blushed and hit him playfully.

"Syao-" the lights went out.

"Sy-syao-syaoran? What happened?" I stuttered out.

I snuggled deep into in chest.

"Looks like there's a blackout," he said casually.

I sighed and retreated from his chest and wandered around for a bit.

"So what do yo-?"

I didn't notice the unsuspecting shadow creeping up upon me. His arms encircled my waist and he whispered in my ear seductively," Sakura come on there's no-one here and I doubt they are going to fix it soon so we have plenty of time…"

His voice trailed off.

I giggled and backed up against the locker as he came closer.

Our bodies locked together as was our lips. His hands trailed down to my hips and began un tucking my blouse. His fingers grazed my sides as his tongue danced in my mouth exploring the sweet cavern of my month. I let out a moan.

"Syaoran…"

* * *

_**TOMOYO P.O.V**_

I saw them pass my classroom door. _Again. _I tend to see them more often now. Always together. I bet they are keeping something from me.

I smiled to myself.

I should follow them. It's probably going to be a surprise for me anyway.

I snuck out and was just walking down one of the corridors when the lights went out.

I was shocked at first but then I calmed down and continue down the hallway until I heard voices.

"Syaoran…we really shouldn't…" 

My hopes soared. It's them. Sakura and Syaoran.

"_Mou Syaoran! That wasn't fair."_

" _but you enjoyed it right?"_

"Syao-" 

I faltered. They…couldn't be…

Lie…lie I can't think like that. They'll never do something like that.

"_Sy-syao-syaoran? What happened?"_

"Looks like there's a blackout," "So what do yo-?" 

," Sakura come on there's no-one here and I doubt they are going to fix it soon so we have plenty of time…"

Syaoran…you can't…

I broke off into a run. My heart beating faster and faster.

I slowed to a stop in front of one of the doors and reached out for the handle hesitantly.

Maybe I shouldn't…no. what am I thinking? If they are keeping something from me I want to know what it is.

* * *

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

The door slid open.

My eyes snapped open.

Emerald met amethyst.

I pushed Syaoran away slightly.

"Ne Sakura…something wrong?" Syaoran asked.

A gasp was heard.

His head snapped around.

"Tomoyo I can explain!" he started.

"Why?" she whispered.

Her voice echoed all around me.

"Why?" she asked.

She looked at me.

Her vulnerable amethyst orbs tearing up.

In a flash the vulnerability was gone replaced by anger and hatred.

"Moyo…" I began.

"How could you Sakura?" she bit out.

The words stabbed at my heart like white hot knives.

She turned and fled.

"TOMOYO!" Syaoran shouted and ran after her.

I sank to my knees.

"How…? How could I have done this to her? This ultimate act of betrayal."

The tears welled up in my eyes and overflowed.

* * *

The chains around my heart tightened unbearably. They cut deep and drew blood. Those scars never forgotten. Wounded and cannot be healed. 


	5. Chapter 5

**A Forbidden Love**

**Chapter 5**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters in CCS though I wish I did.

AN:THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS! I loved them oh so very much. .

To princess-comfused: No this is NOT based on a true story ;; glad you think that it seem like it really happened.

To Diana Alejandra Hernández: This is going to turn out an ss fic -

To azn.cherri-gurl: Eriol will be there as you will find out in this chapter but…well…something will happen ;;

To Samantha Patanne: I don't really get your review but I'll try and get the pairings right next time ;;

And to all other reviews THANK YOU!

* * *

SAKURA'S P.O.V 

I want to escape. Escape into a world where nothing can reach out and get to me. To escape the pains of life. A place where time doesn't exists.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

_**TOMOYO'S P.O.V**_

I fled. How could they do this to me? Why?

The tears streamed down my face. I heard him call me. Run after me even. But why? He was getting closer. Half of me wanted to stop and listen. The other half of me just wanted to run.

Three.

Two.

One.

He caught hold of my hand.

"Tomoyo, I can explain!" he said urgently.

I looked at him with my eyes narrowing.

"Explain what Syaoran?" I snapped at him. My voice was trembling a little," I saw you with her. _Her. _Why did you do this to me? To us? We were the perfect couple. _Us._ Not you and _her._"

He was speechless.

I stared at him through my watery eyes one last time and yanked my hand from his grip and ran blindly through the corridors.

I wanted him to follow me. To reassure me that it's not what it seemed but no footsteps were heard. He just stood there staring at my fleeing figure.

_Why? Why did you do this to me? We were so happy together. Nothing could've gotten in between us. Nothing. _

I always asked myself why, but I already know the answer.

Sakura.

How could you Sakura? I thought you were my best friend. I _trusted_ you and you stole my boyfriend.

You _bitch._

You stole everything I had. Everything I cared about.

* * *

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

Tomoyo.

My mind was frantic working out the possibilities of what would happen.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Footsteps. They were getting closer now.

The door slid open and a shadow engulfed us like the shadow of guilt that was tearing away at my heart.

"Sakura…"

Syaoran's voice.

"Syaoran what are you doing here?" I exclaimed, " Where is she! Go to her!"

My voice was frantic. I knew it, but what was _he_ doing here? He's meant to be chasing after her so why is he here?

"Sakura…" Syaoran said as he knelt down near me. Without another word he pulled me close to him.

I held him close. I was terrified of what was going to happen.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

Azure blue eyes watched as the scene unfolded before his eyes.

A pale goddess running away from the act of betrayal that she just saw. Life is so cruel isn't it? Just when things look the brightest when you think you have everything you want it comes crashing down.

Out of the shadows he stepped to embrace the goddess he admired so much.

* * *

**_TOMOYO'S P.O.V _**

I ran blindly not knowing where I was going.

_Why? We were so perfect together. I was the envy of the whole school. You belong to me Syaoran. Only me. _

Droplets of rain fell from the sky. I was outside. The wind whipped my hair around. Never did I notice the presence that was approaching me so until I fell into his embrace.

"It's ok," he told me. His voice was soft and soothing. It was so familiar as if I had known him for years.

I clutched his shirt tightly with my clenched fists and cried.

We stayed there. In the rain. Me crying my heart out. Him whispering comforting words to me until my tears reduced to sobs.

It was so peaceful now. The worst part of the storm was over. A gentle breeze blew by and the light drizzling or rain against my skin. I lay against his chest listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart and fell asleep.

_(AN: and here let's just say azure blue eyes I'm sure you all know who that is **nudge nudge wink wink** took Tomoyo back to his house and he lives alone…)

* * *

_

_**TOMOYO'S P.O.V**_

I woke up.

"Where am I?" I murmured to myself. This wasn't my room nor was the bed I am in was mine. The navy blue silk duvet was comfortable. I pulled it around me more tightly.

Footsteps were approaching.

The doorknob turned.

A boy around my age walked in.

"Who are you?" I asked him.

He walked up to me and I stared up at him.

"I'm Eriol."

"Tomoyo," I told him and stuck out my hand.

He glanced at it then took it in his hand and kissed it saying, "I know."

Yesterday's events imprinted in mind but I don't feel anything anymore. Just overwhelming sadness and rage.

Empty.

A vessel without a soul wondering around earth just isn't right.

"Ne Eriol-san do I…have a reason to live…?"

I looked up to him. He gazed down at me and sat on the edge of my bed.

"You don't need a reason to live," he said after a moment of silence," if you're born into this world it means you're made to live. You don't need a reason."

"Really?" I asked," but I lost everything…"

He locked gazes with me.

"You didn't lose everything. There's always knew friends to gain or old friends to recruit. You'll get what you deserve and they'll get what they deserve."

Something snapped inside of me. The sadness was gone replaced by hatred and fury.

She _will_ get what she deserved. I will make her pay.

I looked at him again a sweet smile on my face.

"Arigatou Eriol-san-" he cut me off.

"Eriol…just Eriol" he said.

My eyes shone.

"Arigatou Eriol for taking care of me, but I really need to go now Okaa-san will be wondering where I am."

"But of course." He helped me out of the bed and led me to the door.

When we reached the door I glanced at him from below my eyelashes admiring him. He made me realize so much…life wasn't all about love it's all about revenge and backstab. She will pay. She will pay so dearly.

I snapped open my cell phone and searched for the few numbers that I haven't been using for quite sometime.

The tears were falling down my face again. It still hurts to think about the situation. The chains around my heart tightened.

"Hello Naoko?"

"_Yea…? Ano…who's this?"_

"…" I can't believe she forgot about me…" it's Tomoyo…"

"_Oh my gosh! I am so sorry I didn't recognize your voice…you changed so much!"_

"yea…I know…um…"

"_Tomoyo…are…are you…crying? Oh my gosh! What's wrong?"_

I can't bear it anymore I broke down.

"it's…it's…just…I…" my voice faltered a bit" I caught…Sakura and…and Syaoran…together…"

_gasp " they didn't…oh my gosh are you ok?"_

"um…Naoko…please just…stick by me…bye"

I hung up. It was done. My plan was set in motion. I can't stop it now…nor do I want to.

_Drop._

It started raining again. I look up at the darkening sky. How it reflected my breaking heart.

I started forward towards the Daidouji mansion. Okaa-san would be worried.

* * *

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

Syaoran took me back home.

_Syaoran._

I know this never should have happened but why? How did we fall in love in the first place? How did we let ourselves get carried away?

The questions kept plaguing my mind. The uncertainty of the future looming over me. Syaoran had said something to me before he left. Three little words that remained embedded in my mind.

_I love you._

But Tomoyo…

I'm sorry…but…I…I love him.

_**END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

**_

Thinking back to those days I really did love him as I do now…but it's different now but no matter where you are or what you do you'll always have a place in my heart. I never wanted any of this to happen but we were young and we were carried away.

The wheels of fate are turning and soon all will some to an end but even now I wonder how it happed? How it all began? And lastly…how it got out of hand? But it doesn't matter now.

" Syaoran I'll be waiting, forever waiting for you wherever you are."

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

I had never thought things could turn out like this. However glum things were looking I never thought that she would do such a thing. Up 'till now I don't even know for sure whether it was her but…

_Whispers._

They were all around.

"_Hey! Did you hear? Sakura stole Tomoyo's boyfriend!"_

"_What? You mean she actually got a grip on Tomoyo's boyfriend? Syaoran?"_

"_Yea that's what I heard."_

"_Can you believe it?"_

"_Poor Tomoyo!"_

"_Yea I know how could she do this to her? I mean Tomoyo IS her best friend!"_

" _Man I hope Sakura gets what she deserved!"_

"_SHH! She's just over there!"_

Why?

Why are they like that? Why do they assume? They don't know half the story.

Why?

I tightened my fists.

It'll pass. They were just rumors. They'll die down.

But…

Everywhere I went _they_ were there whispering.

" _Ne. ne. There she is!"_

I walked on. They don't know.

"_I don't see what Tomoyo saw in her as a friend?"_

They don't understand.

"_Tomoyo was SO gracious as to offer her friendship but she just pushed it right back."_

WHY? Why do they believe the rumors?

"_What does Syaoran see in her anyway?"_

Don't they see? It wasn't like that.

But you knew. It was exactly like that. The darker side of me would say.

I know. That was what I did. But why? Why does it end like this? Why do I deserve this treatment?

"Sakura!" a distant voice called out.

I looked up.

"Syaoran?"

My heart rose. It's all going to be all right.

"You ok?" he asked," you were looking a bit lost."

"It's ok…it's nothing"

I smiled brightly at him.

_**END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

**_

And from then on I thought it was all right. As long as Syaoran was by my side we would be fine. I was wrong and I fell hard. I couldn't withstand it. The whispers. No one knows. No one knows how it feels of what it feels like.

Being alone. All alone with no one to comfort you. Alone and crying.

Syaoran can't always be by my side. He's busy with work and they won't exclude him.

The tears won't stop. They just keep flowing.'

Stop it. STOP! S-s-stop being so weak.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK  
**_

I was creating a scene. I know that. But I can't let things stay the way they are. I can't stand the whispers anymore…

"Tomoyo PLEASE!" I was on my knees, begging for forgiveness," please just stop this…I'll do anything. Just don't spread the rumors anymore. Stop them…please."

The tears were flowing _again _down my cheeks. My eyes were wide as I looked at her. I can't stand it anymore. I thought I could but I can't. I thought it would stop but it didn't.

"Tomoyo pl-"

She spoke for the first time in months.

"You don't get it do you Sakura?" she said, "you think that if you just apologized it would all be fine. You think that you can be with Syaoran and I'll just be in your shadows out of your ways. Life isn't like that. Not after what you did to me. Never."

I was silent. It was true. I thought if I just told her everything she'd forgive me.

"Tomoyo…please…I'm sorry…I truly am."

I can no longer meet her gaze.

"Don't you understand?" she bit out," I don't want to forgive you nor do I want to."

She narrowed her eyes.

"Please…I'll do anything."

She glared and me.

"Anything you say?" she asked.

"A-a-anything."

"In that case…" she started," break up with him."

"Wh-wh-what?" I gasped.

My shoulders fell…

"b-br-break up with him…?" I considered it for a moment," h-hai."

"Wh-what?" Surprise was evident in her speech." Hm. We'll see."

She turned and walked away along with her friends leaving me with my thoughts.

**_END OF FLASHBACK_**

* * *

I want to die. Death awaits. It was my fate. I can see the end. Everything is so clear now.

I fingered the blade beside me, looking at it. Mesmerized by its glint. It was oh-so-sharp and oh-so-beautiful.

I was hypnotized, captivated by the blade. My fingers slowly curled around it.

It was a perfect fit.

I brought it up to my wrist slowly. My perfect death. One I waited so long for.

I stared at the unmarred flesh and smiled bitterly.

This is it. This is the end. After all we've been through I realized we just weren't meant to be.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK **_

"Sakura…something wrong?" Syaoran asked.

"hm? No I'm fine…honest!" I told him.

I was really out of it these days. How should I tell him? After all we've been through is this really how it's going to end? But Tomoyo…

She'll forgive me…I'll be her friend again…the whispers will stop…everything would be back to normal…

"ano…Syaoran?" he was watching me. Waiting.

"Sakura what's wrong? I can tell something's up. Is it Tomoyo? Is she threatening you? I'd better have a word with her then-" Syaoran assumed.

"Syao-Syaoran it's not that…" I mumbled," look I…I need t-to tell you something…"

I look at him pain shining through my eyes.

He looked at me concerned.

"S-Sy-Syaoran…I…this…this…thing between us…it's…it's not going to work out…"

he stared at me like a lost puppy and staggered back.

I reached out to him but he flinched back.

"W-Why? WHY Sakura? It'll be fine. We'll be fine. It'll past-" he whispered.

"NO. N-no it won't be fine…it never was!"

The pain was clearly shown in his eyes. The confusion. The hurt. The broken trust.

I tried to reach out to him again but he slapped my hand away.

"I-I-I'm sorry Syaoran…"

I turned and was about to flee but he grabbed my wrist.

His voice was harsh.

"You played me didn't you Sakura?" he bit out," The rumors were true that's why you were so scared. I never should've fallen fall you. How did you do it Sakura? How did you blind me from the perfect goddess I had in front of me?"

"What!" I gasped," Syaoran it wasn't like tha-"

"Save it Sakura."

I stared at him. My eyes were watering. How could he think of me like that? I'm not some kind of…some kind of slut. I never want it to turn out like this…

"Just go Sakura…"

I fled.

* * *

_TOMOYO'S P.O.V_

I was there outside waiting. Witnessing what she owed me. I heard their voices. Their pain laced into their voices. Their confusion in utmost dismay.

And as she fled what can I say? Those moments were something of bitter sensation. I can't nor ever will regret those moments. They had brought waves of extreme satisfaction and guilt that came crashing down at unexpected moments but always one after another just like the ever-shifting sea…

But I can put all those feelings aside just to get back with you, with you Syaoran, with you.

I walked into the tense atmosphere where he was, his back to me, watching the setting sun. It was the perfect sight for the perfect moment.

"Syaoran?" I questioned.

He turned his head slightly glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.

Time should've stopped then. It was such a beautiful moment fill will grace and yet when he turned that moment contorted into something unbelievable.

His face tearstained twisted with pain.

It was unforgivable. _She_ was unforgivable…or was it him…

"Syaoran…I heard…what happened?" my voice was filled with sickening innocence.

I knelt before him taking his hands staring into those golden orbs that I love and admired so much. He seems so lost, so lonely and so afraid.

"S-sa-sakura she…she wanted to break up…with me," he said hesitantly.

I cradled his head to my chest a slight smile breaking out onto my face.

"I'm glad…she doesn't match you anyway," I comforted.

He resisted for a moment hearing those words. It must've shocked him to finally have the truth told to him. She didn't match him. She never did. _We_ were the match made in heaven. _Us_, you and me.

His hands reached up. I thought he was going to hug me back but then he pushed me away. I fell to the ground looking up to him with hurt eyes.

"Wha-What? Syao-" he cut me off.

"Tomoyo…" he whispered.

How long has it been since I've last heard my name from his lips. I had missed it so much…

I coaxed my head sideways questioningly.

"Sy-ao-ran-kun?" I asked him cheekily.

He looked up to me with those helpless tears-filled eyes before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close. Those helpless eyes that looked towards me just fuelled my anger directed towards her. How _dare_ she make my Syaoran hurt so much? How _dare _she convince him that the time he has with her was happy while all the time she was hurting him? You'll pay Sakura. You'll pay _dearly_.

I looked down to the mass of tresses pressed against my stomach. He was crying. I could feel him suppressing his sobs through my uniform. I hugged him close.

It was a blissful moment. I can never deny the sense of relief I had during that moment. Everything to me was back. It was all perfect again. _All_…except that I'd lost my best friend…

Tears began to gather on my lashes and detach themselves to fall onto Syaoran's brown mass of hair.

I didn't understand why I shed tears for her. Maybe I didn't want to believe that my best friend, the person who I trusted most, had left and betrayed me. A sense of loss within my body but I had gained back what I had wanted. Syaoran was no longer with her as was I.

His sobs had reduced and he gently unwrapped his arms around my waist and withdrew his head from my stomach. I smiled gently down at him.

_END OF P.O.V_ _SYAORAN'S P.O.V_

****

I stared back up to that gentle looking face smiling down at me. She was like an angel sent down from heaven to me.

It's been quite a while since we were together like this. I've been spending so much time with Sakura.

_Sakura_…

Her name still hurts to think about. What made her want to break up? But moreover _why_ did she break up?

Those words I said to her before was harsh but hers were harsher still.

_'S-Sy-Syaoran…I…this…this…thing between us…it's…it's not going to work out…'_

That memory was still fresh in my mind. Her words tearing through my fantasies.

I didn't want to say those words to her. It had torn every fibre of me to say them. I regret it even that the words had left my mouth but how could she… after all we've been through together why does she still say that we're not meant to be. I know her situation was difficult but she always had _me_ to support her…was it not enough?

Sakura…

Why'd you do it? Why'd you play my heart like that?

She was still there, caressing my hair, her slender fingers weaving through the chocolate mane. I felt her cup my face and tilt slightly to look into her mesmerizing eye as her lips descended on mine.

Shock registered across my face. I hadn't expected that… for her to take the initiative… I could take her…she would accept…but it was wrong… I loved her once but not anymore.

_END OF P.O.V_ _TOMOYO'S P.O.V_

He pushed me away. Disappointment filled his eyes.

It'd hurt. It'd hurt a lot.

_"Tomoyo…" I looked up lost with hopeful eyes," I never thought you would be this kind of person…" _

It shattered me. Beyond repair.

I thought it was going to be all right. Everything was to be fine. Our love was everlasting. Nothing could change that.

I was on the ground as he walked out, his back to me, never turning to look back at me, at our perfect past. I didn't was to get up. There was no purpose in doing so anymore. My efforts slipping through.

He came. Looked at me and stayed by my side with eyes of understanding once again.

I was drowning, in my sea of tears but he reached out and held me. His azure eyes reminding me so much of the pain I had felt…of being left in shadows…admiring…but never gaining…

Eventually I gave in and cried holding him close letting out my hearts sorrow.

Thoughts raced through my head.

_'Why? Why Syaoran? You never cried for me… Why were you serious about her? Why did you have to meet her?'_

And then I realised it. I've lost. I've lost completely.

Life had just gotten a whole lot more complicated and a whole lot simpler at the same time as realization hit me. I've lost hadn't I. A battle I can't win. She's endured. Proved to me what this truly is. Why didn't I realise sooner I'll never know. Maybe I didn't want to know or maybe…maybe I just can't.

"Ne Eriol-kun I've lost hadn't I?"

It wasn't a question but merely a statement.

He stared at you. You stared back. And as that connection took place regret, disappointment and loss swirling in those violet orbs glazed over with tears.

"Wasn't it enough Eriol-kun?" I choked out," I've tried my nest haven't I? I've given him everything that I possibly could. I've done everything but isn't it enough yet? Isn't it?"

He stayed silent before his ethereal goddess.

Her pain etched into her every word as they fade out into the nothingness.

Words couldn't describe her sadness. Time couldn't erase her memories or heal her wounds. What was once so flawless was now tainted.

**_END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

_**

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

I slashed at my wrists. One after the other.

For a moment I flinched but then the sweet sensation of pain flowed through my body. It felt so good. I could already feel myself slipping away. Life seems so far away.

The window was open. My legs moved automatically. I was losing control in what I was doing.

I've reached the window. It seems to be illuminated as if it was a gateway to heaven.

Syaoran.

He's standing there. Just away from the window ledge. Waiting for me…

I walked towards him. The blood from my wrists flowing freely to the ground.

I was getting weaker. My vision blurred and I almost fell but I wasn't there yet. Just a couple more steps and I'll be with him…forever…

Within moments I was looking down from the window ledge. It's so high up…


	6. Chapter 6

**A**

**A Forbidden Love**

**Chapter 6**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters in CCS though I wish I did.

_A/N: hehe I just want to THANK YOU ALL for reviewing! ESPECIALLY PINOYKENGUMI7 AND FLYANIMEPIG - for their continuous support throughout this entire fanfic without there help I would probably gave up half way through -_

_**WARNING:** Please take note this chapter contains language. You have been warned D_

Here's chapter 6 hope you enjoy -

* * *

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

I stared down at the unbelievable staggering height.

Soon…

Soon all my problems would be gone.

Everything that happened would be forgotten. Lost in time. Hidden forever.

I was losing blood at an astounding rate. My vision began to blur. Thoughts began to flee from my mind. I stood there, unconscious of my actions.

Syaoran…

This yearning I have words simply can't describe but now you're here.

A few simple steps. Just a few steps away. I can reach you.

You danced away. _Why?_

"_Syaoran!" _I whispered desperately my voice faltering.

I reached out and tried to grab him with my bloodied hands. My fingers grasped your hand but it faded away just as quickly.

"NO!" I yelled out, "don't go! Please…"

My heart. It hurt so much. The times we were together seemed like a dream. Like something that never happened.

There were chains around me. Around my heart, tugging. Squeezing. Cutting and drawing blood.

Pain. They won't go away.

My throat tightens as tears spill uncontrollably out of my eyes.

I never meant to hurt you. Only do what was necessary to save a friend. That was the plan. But you don't seem to think so.

Everything was so wrong. That was why this love was meant to be forbidden. Wherever you are now these memories will always be locked away somewhere deep in my heart, never to be looked upon again because…they were never meant to be.

Would you care Syaoran if I died and left you here? Would you think of me and of our happy memories? Would you care and visit my grave and prove to me that you still care? Even after all I did would you still remember me as a person you once loved?

**_END OF P.O.V_**

* * *

_**TOMOYO'S P.O.V**_

What did I do? What did I do wrong? Why is he doing this?

I want to cry. I want to know why. I want you to hold me in your arms again.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Ohayo Eriol-kun," I smiled at him.

You walked away.

I frowned but jogged to keep up with you.

I touched your arm.

You flinched away.

**_END OF FLASHBACK_**

**_

* * *

_**

It hurts. It hurts you know. I didn't even know why! Why were you avoiding me? Why do you move away? Why don't you comfort me anymore? I want you here. I want you here with me.

The tears were falling from my eyes. They dripped onto the ground like rain.

Where did you go? When did this start? When did I realize I fell in love with you?

All I ever wanted was to be with Syaoran. You helped me through my period of heartbreak. You were there to comfort me. You lent me your shoulder to cry on. You let me pour my heart out but where are you now? Where have you gone?

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

I saw you.

"Eriol-kun!" I called out.

You didn't turn. You didn't wait. You walked away.

I ran. Through the crowd. Weaving through the student body. Smiling. Looking at you. Admiring you.

I was going to tell you. I finally realized it. I loved you—not Syaoran. I loved you.

I was there next to you. I tapped your shoulder.

You glared at me.

I was stunned.

I stood there watching. You were there glaring at me as though you hated me.

You walked off. Leaving me.

_**END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

**_

Do you hate me? Do you?

But why?

Did I do something? What did I do?

I want to know. I know I'm selfish. I know I did something wrong. I know… but why? Why are you doing this? Why can't you forgive? Why can't you turn back time and stay the way you were?

There you were again. Staring at the sakura blossoms. Its petals danced around you, swirling.

I had to find out. I had to know.

Why? Why are you hurting me?

I ran. Towards you. In search of answers.

You're here watching the pattern dance of the cherry blossom petals waiting ever so patiently for them to land onto your outstretched hand.

I reached you.

"Why?" I whispered. My voice was hoarse, "Why are you staying away? Why…WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME?"

You pulled out of my reach. I grabbed onto you with both hands pushing you against the tree.

"Answer me!" I yelled tersely.

Your stare unnervingly landed on me. A slight look of disbelief flitted across your face. I squirmed beneath your gaze and backed away slightly but your calloused hands gripped onto my shoulders.

"Tomoyo," your voice was gruff, "why did you do it?"

"Why'd you spread the rumors?" you demanded, "You _knew_ they weren't true but you _still _spread them. You _saw _that they were _the_ perfect couple."

"She deserved it." My voice was merely a whisper.

You glared. I shrank away but your next words hurt me so much.

"You. Cheated. On. Syaoran. Who are you to say she deserved it?"

Harsh words. I never forgot them. They had stung. The pain far beyond my comprehension.

"I was _drunk_!" I cried out exasperatedly, "_He_ was leading me on."

"Tomoyo that's just an excuse and you know it."

He stalked off but I ran. I ran after him and hugged him from behind.

"I know," I murmured into his ear, "but what can I do now? What's done is done. I can't change the past."

You stopped.

I felt tears running down my face.

"Well. At least apologize to Syaoran and make up with them."

* * *

**_ERIOL'S P.O.V_**

I sighed. It was hard to stay mad for long at Tomoyo.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**TOMOYO'S P.O.V**_

"Hai!" I chirped at him, "Oh! And one more thing…"

I gave him a peck on the lips.

"I love you."

I turn and fled leaving him in shock while a fiery blush adorned my facial features.

* * *

_(**!WARNING: **The following scene contains language. You have been warned.)_

_**SOME TIME LATER**_

Syaoran. Where is he?

I scanned around for that brown haired arrogant jerk.

It was hard to believe how much he changed after Sakura broke up with him or rather how much he reverted back to his old self.

My eyes soon caught the messy mass of chocolate brown hair surrounded with half the population of females at our school fawning over him.

I almost wished I hadn't done this. _Almost_.

You had me so confused. I thought you loved me. I really thought you did. All that charm. The smiles. The kisses. I know they weren't empty. We felt something. We had something but now it's over. You found Sakura and I found Eriol.

But…

Look at you now. Why did you change? Why change back? Of all the things to choose from why back to how you were before?

I made my way through the sea of hyperventilating females. They parted and backed away slightly as I walked past and stared uncertainly at me. They knew what could happen if they dared cross me. They saw what happened to Sakura.

Only two girls left there on each of his sides clinging onto him like he was their life.

I glared at them and they immediately loosen their grip but didn't let go completely.

"Tomoyo! What are you doing over here? Come to join the party eh?" he said and winked at me.

I glared.

"Syaoran get a grip on yourself. Why are you like this? It's all because of Sak-" I was cut off.

"This has _nothing _to do with that slut." He growled out.

I look away. It was so obvious he didn't want to talk about her. A sudden guilt was felt. I couldn't even meet his eyes so I whispered slowly, "If this is about Sakura breaking up with you…it was my fault…I told her to do it…"

"Oh. So it was you. I should've known. It doesn't matter now anyways I was beginning to get bored of her-"

"SCREW IT SYAORAN!" I yelled, "I know what I did was wrong but _you_, you shouldn't be here letting it go, fucking girls just to let out you misery. I've seen how she was after the break up. _She_ never had another thought about anyone or anything except for you. I've seen the ways she looks at you and regret. She _tried_ to say sorry to you but you _shunned _her. You pushed her away. You did _nothing_ to hold her back. You just let go."

I was crying. I felt the tears pouring out.

At that moment I felt like I was her friend again. We never had this fight. We were still the best of friends whom no one could get between. I still cared for her as she did for me. We were still together.

Why can't you see, Syaoran? Why? She never moved on but you're just hiding. I know you still love her.

Yuki. _(AN: Yuki means snow for those who don't know)_

Snow was falling ever so gently. I fell down to my knees. All this was just too much. That guilt. She was my best friend and I turned on her…but she never hated me once for it…she did everything I asked for…

Syaoran. He suddenly stood up. I gazed at him.

* * *

_**SYAORAN'S P.O.V**_

Snow was falling.

I stretched out a hand to catch the falling snow.

It was so white. So pure. Untainted.

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Hmmm my dream would be the next successful leader of the Li clan!" I told her casually.

"Sugoi! Syaoran-kun," she breathed out, "all I ever dreamed about was-"

She stopped short and blushed.

I glanced at her from lowered eyelashes. She could tell I had been curious of what her dream was since she stopped short just as she was going to tell me.

"Go on," I urged.

She blushed harder.

"You only ever dreamed about…?" I probed further.

"About…about…" her voice was softer with every passing second and the blush on her face grew incredibly red.

My eyes gleam with wickedness. A smirk adorning my features.

"…about…flying." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

_**END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

**_

_Fly_…

My eyes widened as I stood up abruptly realizing the entire truth staring at me in the face.

I was about to make a run for it but the violet hair caught my eyes.

Tomoyo…

She gazed up at me.

"Sakura. She's going to suicide." was my short curt reply.

She gasped. I ran.

_Sakura_…hold on…don't die…wait for me…

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**TOMOYO'S P.O.V **_

I gasped.

_Suicide?_ How did he know? I stared at his determined eyes.

Oh my gosh it's true isn't it? Saku's going to suicide.

The shock and terror that ran through me didn't even make me realize that Eriol was by my side until he shook me slightly.

"Hime!_ (AN: Hime for those who don't know means princess) _Hime! What's wrong?" he asked me urgently.

"It's-it's Sakura!" I choked out.

When I caught my breath I said to him, "Sakura. She's going to suicide!"

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**__**ERIOL'S P.O.V**_

My eyes widened.

Suicide?

We don't have much time.

"Hime—come on! We need to get to her! Fast!"

I ushered her away from the crowd and into my car.

I settled into the car seat and turned on the engine.

I backed out and drove after Syaoran's retreating form.

I scrolled down the window and yelled to him, "SYAORAN! GET IN THE CAR! YOU'LL NEVER GET THERE IN TIME ON FOOT!"

I stopped the car beside him as he hurriedly scrambled into the back seat and then took off again.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**SYAORAN'S P.O.V**_

"Thanks Eriol," I huffed out, "I owe you."

Sakura. I'm so sorry. I wasn't there to hear you cry or to dry your tears.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

Sayonara Syaoran, Tomoyo, Eriol-san, Riku-chan, Chiharu-chan, Naoko-chan, sayonara.

Sayonara minna. Sayonara.

Tears. I was crying again. My last tears, falling from my face. I stared at the snow falling from the sky.

Gomen-nasai_(AN: Gomen-nasai means sorry)_ Syaoran, for not being there with you…demo_(AN: demo means but)_…you'll be happier this way. With Tomoyo…

I jumped.


	7. Chapter 7

**A**

**A Forbidden Love**

**Chapter7**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters in CCS though I wish I did.

A/N: Just to let all you guys out there who's reading my fanfic that this is the end …please review it'll make me very happy I hope that all of you who have read my fic have thoroughly enjoyed it. Um...for those who've read my other chapter 7I just didn't particaularly liked the ending soI changed it a little bit fell free to tell me which one you enjoyed more. I'll be happy to know. This is chapter 7 re-edited hope you enjoy.

* * *

Fear. A powerful emotion that can render a being completely useless if executed correctly. 

It spreads to every corner of one's mind paralysing every fibre of your being and from there, the thin tendrils of fear stretches out around the heart and in that split second cuts deep into one's heart drawing blood.

Guilt. A foreboding emotion to be felt when amplified by fear.

* * *

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

I'm flying Syaoran. _Flying. _My dream's coming true.

The wind was rushing through my hair. There was almost an excitement in death itself beside the thrill of flying.

The sky had never looked so blue before.

I blinked the tears away.

This was my one chance to be happy. My _one _chance that everything would be all right.

I wouldn't have to worry about the problems anymore. Everything will be gone.

I had to smile at the simplicity of it all. It was almost like slipping into a dream or rather being drawn into an endless one.

I had no regrets. Everything I've ever wanted happen has pasted already.

I love you Syaoran.

Good bye…_forever_…

Death looming over just seconds apart and holding onto this last thought with my eyes closed my shoulders met the ground, my body bounced up slightly after landing from the momentum and I accepted death's warm embrace.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**SYAORAN'S P.O.V**_

Memories.

They flashed through my mind in a series of incomprehensible blur.

Images.

Images of _her_.

Her essence, her pureness, her innocence, her everything. From those deep emerald orbs, her rosy lips, her slender body pressed against my own, her smile, her laugh, her elegance, her grace.

Those moments once so close seem so far away. Lost is an endless game. In a game so sweet and yet so ruthless.

_She_ was there. On the ground. Her body still.

I can feel the blood in my veins grow cold.

The unease slowly wrapped around my body trapping it there.

My pulse quickened.

My mind froze.

It can't be.

It can't be her.

It just…can't.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

The car stopped. He rushed out.

Only to be met with her cold body unconscious in his arms.

Tears flow freely onto the ground.

The blank look in his eyes.

The distance happiness forgotten.

A reason to live for gone.

Pointless existence.

They pulled at his arm.

He clutched her tight.

"Syaoran! We need to get her to a hospital! _Now!_" Eriol muttered urgently.

* * *

_**TOMOYO'S P.O.V **_

I saw her. Lying there in his arms.

Fear gripped my heart.

Shock. Unrelenting horror. Guilt.

Overwhelming guilt.

My chest tightened. It was hard to breathe. My heart being squeezed by an invisible force.

Was this what I had wanted? For her to die and be out of my life?

Is it my fault? _My_ fault that _she_ died?

Was I really wrong?

"Tomoyo!" Eriol shook my shoulders to wake me up from my daze," We need to get her to the hospital. _Now!_"

I help Syaoran get her into the car. Her face was so pale. Completely still. One who had accepted death with no regrets.

This wasn't what I planned.

But…

So what really did I plan?

I didn't want to stop…she deserved what she got…but this isn't the ending I wanted.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

_I glanced around._

_Is this death? _

_Pure white. _

_Snow falling._

_It was cold. _

_I can't feel anything. _

_Light. In the distance. Heat._

_A voice overhead," Run…"_

_I ran._

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**HOSPITAL**_

"_Quick get her to the emergency room. NOW!" _

"_She's losing a lot of blood at this rate she's going to die! NURSE! Get her onto the bed NOW!"_

"_Her pulse is faint."_

"_Doctor! Doctor! Her heartbeat is irregular."

* * *

_

_**SYAORAN'S P.O.V**_

I paced.

"Syaoran you need to calm down. She'll be all right. Have some faith in her," Eriol soothed.

My heart raced.

"How can I be calm Eriol?" I whispered," She's in there right now because I wasn't there to support her."

"You can't blame yourself for everything Syaoran," Eriol reasoned.

The doctor came out.

I rushed up to him," Sensei! _(A/N: Sensei means teacher or doctor) _How is she?"

He looked serious and pushed up his glasses before replying," We've given her some antiarrhythmic drugs to correct her hearbeat and her fever has broken. We've done the most we can the rest is up to her."

I paled considerably.

"Thank you Doctor."

'Sakura don't leave me now…You are my reason to live. Always has been. Always will be…'

**_END OF P.O.V_**

* * *

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

I ran. I was desperate. Desperate for that heat. That light. That warmth.

_How long has it been since I've started running towards it? How similar it was to my relationship._

_Running. Running for something I can't get._

_I miss him. I miss him so much. _

_That same voice overhead," Go back. He's waiting. Your time isn't up yet."_

_I stopped. _

_A single beam of sunlight hit my face as I stared up._

"_Honto ni?" (A/N: honto ni means really)_

"_Hai"_

'_Syaoran…when I'm back…I want you to be the first person I see…'_

**_END OF P.O.V

* * *

_**

_**HOSPITAL**_

'Beep' 'Beep' 'Beep' 

"_Hurry! Get the doctor!"_

"_Her heart rate is back to normal."_

_Footsteps rushing._

_Curtains pulled open._

"_How is she? What's the condition?"

* * *

_

**_SYAORAN'S P.O.V_**

My head snapped up in agitation.

Doctors and nurses were rushing about.

What's happening?

Is she all right?

I grabbed one of the nurses.

"What's happening?"

She tried yanking away before realizing that it was futile," the patient's heartbeat is back to normal with rest she'll be just fine. We just need to do some test to make sure she spine is ok. It's a miracle she didn't break her back. With luck she might even be able to get out in a day or two."

I let go.

She bustled away.

Relief washed over me.

She was fine.

She's going to live.

"You can see her now," the doctor's voice broke through my reverie.

I stood up and bowed.

"Arigato Sensei." _(A/N: arigato means thank you)_

That door. The door that will lead me to her.

I swallowed, let out an unsuspecting sigh of relief and turned the door knob.

She lay there.

She was so beautiful.

An exact replica of a fallen angel.

I don't deserve her.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

I stirred.

'Syaoran…' 

"Beep." "Beep." "Beep."

A snap into realization.

'Syaoran!' 

My eyes fluttered open.

I was back.

"Syaoran…"

I smiled as his head jerked up at my voice.

"You're here…"

He answered me gruffly trying to hide his relief from me but it was evident in his eyes that he was pleased," Of course I am."

I sighed tiredly.

He looked at me worriedly.

"Daijoubu. _(A/N: daijoubu means it's all right that sort of thing) _I'm just worn out by the past events."

I smiled.

"Rest," he said.

"Hai"

I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep in peace. Something I hadn't done for so long…

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**SYAORAN'S P.O.V**_

I glanced down at her sleeping form so much like a child's.

She was so innocent.

"Ano ne Syaoran…I'm glad to be back…truly…I don't ever want to be separated from you ever…ever again…" she mumbled.

My eyes softened and I smiled.

"Me too Sakura…me too."

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**TOMOYO'S P.O.V**_

I waited by the hospital's reception area.

I was ashamed to see her.

I was her best friend…and to think I've caused her all this pain.

Eriol.

I bit my lips. I have to ask…

"Eriol!" I rushed up to him," How is she?"

He looked at me and smiled.

"She's alright," you said.

"Honto ni?" _(A/N: honto ni means really as mentioned in earlier chapters)_

I felt a heavy burden leave me and let out a sigh.

"I'm glad."

"Aren't you going to see her?" you asked.

"Eh?"

I was surprised. I didn't think that you would expect me to visit her…

"Um…no…"

I looked away.

"Hmm…why not?"

"Because…because I don't have the right to… after all I caused her all these pain. She didn't wasn't to live because of me. Her perfect relationship was ruined because I was jealous. Because I can't control myself. Because I was blinded by her happiness. Because I was selfish. How could I see her knowing that the way she is now is my fault…"

It hurts to admit those reasons.

All because of me…

Before I knew it the tears came spilling out.

_I'm so sorry._

_You stayed true to me and smiled at me even though I was the one to ruin your relationship. You treated me like your best friend but in return I caused you all the pain I could've and didn't even stop to consider your feelings while everything you did all that._

He hugged me.

"Eriol…"

I cried into him. Shaking uncontrollably.

Syaoran came.

"She's asleep right now," you informed me.

I dried my tears," hai."

I stood up and walked to her room.

The door loomed over me.

My pulse hastened.

My hand rested on the knob and turned.

"Sakura…"

You name left my lips in a whisper.

I sat in the chair provided and held your hand.

It has been so long since I was like this.

"Kura-chan…I know…this is a little late but…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done all those things that I did. I know what I did I can never atone for but…please forgive me."

She moved slightly and curled up.

I smiled. She was still the same innocent girl I know that warmed up everyone's heart.

"I'm sorry too for not going to be there when you wake up. Eriol and I are moving to England. I know this is short notice but…we decided it was for the best."

* * *

**_FLASHBACK_**

I stood in front facing you.

"Eriol-kun. I've decided to study overseas in England. This is for the best. For her not to see me. I'm going tonight."

I looked away.

"Why?" you asked," Isn't that just running away? You have to face her sooner or later. You can't hide from her forever."

"I know…but I just…can't face her right now. I'm sorry."

I turned to walk away.

You grabbed my hand.

"In that case I'll go with you," you stated defiantly.

I stopped. My eyes widened.

"Really?" I asked bewildered," You really will?"

You tugged at my hand and I fell into you embrace.

"Of course. I'll follow you wherever you go. To the end of the world even."

_**END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

**_

"Maybe in the distance future I'll see you again but for now I just can't face you. Not yet. But…no matter what you'll always be my best friend because I've now realized just how wrong I was. You always stayed loyal to be and put me in your best interest. It must've hurt you so much when I talked about him."

I looked down at our hands.

To me our friendship was forged deeper than life. It was embezzled into our very essence. And because of you I've learned so many things. Arigato…

I stood up and left.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**FIVE YEARS LATER**_

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

I looked at the purple envelope in my hands.

It was lavishly decorated and on it those eight words.

**TO: Sakura & Syaoran**

**From: Tomoyo & Eriol**

I don't know at the present moment whether I wanted to open it or not.

It was clear what is was but…

"Sakura!" Syaoran called," What's in the mail?"

I turned with a smile on my face and held it out to him," This."

He was surprised I could tell.

"Well?"

"Well what?" I asked.

"Do you want to go?" he asked.

"I don't know…"

He opened it.

**Dear Sakura & Syaoran,**

**You have been invite to Tomoyo& Eriol's Wedding.**

The first line.

"Maa…Syaoran she is my best friend and besides it would be rude to not attend."

"Sakura. She'll understand if you don't want to go-"

"No Syaoran. I will go. I've made up my mind."

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING**_

_**TOMOYO'S P.O.V**_

I'm a nervous wreck inside but I'm beautiful.

I looked into the mirror to see my reflection. The dress was beautiful. In my dainty hands held the bunch of white roses.

I smiled.

Eriol's waiting for me.

I wonder would she be there…

The music struck up.

I stood and rustled my dress slightly.

The doors opened.

I walked down. My head held up high.

He was there. Waiting for me. I smiled brighter.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**SAKURA'S P.O.V**_

I sat there in the front row facing the altar and stood as the music began playing.

Eriol visibly brightened at the sight of her.

The bride. Tomoyo. She was breathtakingly beautiful.

That posture and air of authority she gave to those around her was just so alike.

She hadn't change from that childhood friend of mine.

I smiled. The priest had pronounced them husband and wife.

They matched each other perfectly.

I was surprised to feel the tears running down my cheeks.

She had grown so much.

I saw her bridesmaid slightly behind her. I didn't know her. She must've been someone she met in England. I can't help but feel that slight regret. I could've been there if we hadn't misunderstood.

If I wasn't so selfish.

If she wasn't so stubborn.

What can I say?

I didn't understand her nor did she understand me.

A change we can't prevent.

A change we wanted to stop but couldn't.

Something happened between us. I don't really remember what it was now.

It was so far away so distant. Some only mentioned in a dream.

But then. When I wake up I forget it.

A fragment of my memory…

Maybe better forgotten…

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

_**TOMOYO'S P.O.V**_

I turned around to face the crowd.

My eyes sparkled as I saw her there. In the front row. Clapping.

She came.

Tears sprung into my eyes.

She came to see me…

My emotions stirred.

Words just couldn't describe this feeling.

Maybe I was happy…or maybe I was sad.

It was just so in between. And yet it was there. Lurking there.

I wanted to talk to her but when I walked past she just smiled and looked away.

But then. I understood.

Her smile was genuine but then her eyes…those emerald orbs. She was still hurt.

_**END OF P.O.V

* * *

**_

Those words you never say. Those reminiscences you never look upon again. That pain will never go away. Throughout life part of you might've died. A memory or a part of your heart but life will go on. Time will past but it won't heal your wounds. It terrifies us. Terrifies us to the core. The very fact that it'll always be there and so the illusion was created. We live in an illusion. Stories and legends of everlasting love, promises made never to be broken and yet in midst of that sea of dreams one might yet come true but not now. Not this time. Nor anytime soon.

No words were spoken between them. It was a silent understanding that a scar cannot be healed but only rather covered up.

The pain will always be there buried deep inside.

The smile will always have a hint of regret.

Love was cruel.

But it will ease you way through life.

Forbidden love will scar you.

It'll scar you deep.

That scar will never fade.

But we all live in hope that one day it will disappear.

And heal up completely.


End file.
